Final 24 Results

I'm clueless. Or America is clueless. Either way, I missed by a mile this week and ended up one for four. Even though I pegged Janell and had Ashley as a 50:1 long shot, I completely missed on Joe and Tyler, who I had as a 4:1 front runner. Now that's scratching-your-head crazy. See you next week.

12 Angry Men

We can only hope that we see better performances from the boys than we did the girls. Tuesday night, the singing was rugged and the judges were brutal. (Just like we like 'em.) Tonight's pack of dudes hasn't looked all that promising to this point, but here's hoping for at least a couple of bright spots -- and I think there are a couple of legitimate contenders due up tonight.

Aaron Kelly
"Here Comes Goodbye"
This was an excellent song choice for Aaron. I don't think he's all that good, but I can't really say he's all that bad either. He's a cute kid and his "likeability" factor will keep him around for several weeks, where he will more than likely deliver strong performances.
ODDS ON STAYING: 10:1

Alex Lambert
"Wonderful World"
Yet another please-vote-me-off-I-want-to-go-home performance. Are you kidding me? Didn't this guy have skills just last week? What a frighteningly disjointed display of intolerable warbling accompanied by a ample dose of awkward gyrating. He's so much better than this. You would never know it by watching tonight.
ODDS ON STAYING: 42:1

Andrew Garcia
"Sugar, We're Going Down"
This self-proclaimed "stay at home dad" probably wishes he had stayed at home tonight. I have to agree with the judges. His smooth rendition of "Straight Up" during auditions set his bar pretty high. If he wants to hang beyond the final twelve -- and he will make the final twelve --  he'll need to rekindle the flame he ignited several weeks ago. Did Paula Abdul have another hit song?
ODDS ON STAYING: 4:1

Casey James
"Heaven"
Not surprisingly, Casey delivered a strong rendition of a brilliantly chosen song. Obviously, he's got all of the essential pieces of the package already in place. Time will tell if he can demonstrate the versatility he'll need to go the distance. He'll easily survive the boy battles, but when he goes up against the girls, his "dreaminess" will be severely neutralized. Regardless, he's a certain frontrunner.
ODDS ON STAYING: Even

Jermaine Sellers
"You Can Reach Me"
Did you hear that boing sound? That was Jermaine's career bouncing off the pavement. I'm struggling for a comment because my brain shut him off less than halfway through the number. I'm not really sure if that even qualified as a performance. It's clear that Jermaine has watched himself singing into a mirror for so long, he's convinced himself that he's real smooth. Not smooth. Loose the 'tude and find some talent. His "get up" looked stupid too.
ODDS ON STAYING: 80:1

Joe Munoz
"You and  I"
He looked irresistibly comfortable and delivered an undistinguished performance. Lucky for him, "undistinguished" gets you through to next week at this point in the competition. Give him an "S" for "Satisfactory" and a "B" for "Boring." Yawn. See ya' next week.
ODDS ON STAYING: 12:1

John Park
"God Bless the Child"
Honestly, until the chorus, I couldn't determine whether or not John was singing in English. Not only was he unintelligible, he couldn't maintain pitch for more than two bars. He fell short on the last minute sympathy play after the judges carved him up. If this song was actually "so special" to him, his performance wouldn't have been so wretchedly uninspired.
ODDS ON STAYING: 34:1

Lee Dewyze
"Chasing Cars"
If you've ever wondered if the judges actually "root" for certain contestants, you have your answer tonight. Even though the judges did all they could to protect Lee, he could have really screwed things up with this mess. I love this song, but it's far too fragile a melody to be left in such careless hands. He was hopelessly off-pitch and his tempo was way out of kilter. He owes the judges. They saved his butt tonight.
ODDS ON STAYING: 19:1

Michael Lynche
"This Love"
Does this guy look uncomfortable on television or am I just uncomfortable watching him? His huge build with the dwarfed guitar and the ill-fitting wardrobe adds up to one gigantic distraction. His personality and his wife-giving-birth story will carry him for a couple of weeks but it isn't going to last unless he picks up the pace and shows us that he can sing.
EODDS ON STAYING: 23:1

Tim Urban
"Apologize"
I don't suppose anybody's wondering why Tim was originally sent home during Hollywood week. I could describe his performance as "atrocious," but that would be a terrible waste of a perfectly good adjective. Oh yeah, and the Jonas Brothers called. They want their hair back.
ODDS ON STAYING: 736:1

Todrick Hall
"Since You've Been Gone"
An interesting (if not weird) arrangement of an otherwise vacuous pop song -- and that's as good as it got for Todrick. When the time came for his voice to be truly melodic, he couldn't deliver the goods.  I have to agree with Simon. He's a dancer trying to sing. This attempt to veil his lack of talent might get him through until next week, but it won't carry him much beyond that.
ODDS ON STAYING: 37:1

Tyler Grady
"American Woman"
Somebody get a towel! The front row has charisma splattered all over them. The judges gave him a nice spank for his hyper-persona, but I'm not sure that they realize that we don't know Tyler as well as they do. The show's producers have kept him cleverly concealed from America throughout Hollywood week. I suspect that the boy's magnetism made a huge impression on "the inner circle" and they think they have something special in this kid. He's now been responsibly scolded by the judges, but he's successfully etched an unforgettable identity into the minds of the voters.
ODDS ON STAYING: 4:1

Remember a few weeks back? The press was brimming over with talk that "this may be the best group of singers we've ever had," blah, blah... It's not looking that way now is it? It's a shame that all we have to look forward to for the next month are back-to-back nights of listless, if not agonizing performances as America slowly whittles away the waste. If only we could exchange our stilettos for cleavers... but that ain't the way it works.

So let's go ahead and relish the opportunity to snuff a couple of these stiffs. I boldly predict that Tim and Alex will join Lacey and Janell in being voted Thursday night.

Idol Goes Live with the Top 12 Girls

Can you feel the excitement in the air? It's that thrill that only comes on the first live night of the season on American Idol! Alright, it's not that exciting. In fact, it can be downright painful. We've got a long night ahead of us. No more screwing around. Let's get all critical with the top twelve girls and figure out who's going home on Thursday. 

(Note: These reviews are not displayed in the order in which they were performed. I hope this doesn't create too much confusion, but with so many contestants, keeping the html code straight is a nightmare.)

Ashley Rodriguez

"Happy"

I have no recollection of this girl ever performing on any of the previous shows. I'm not sure we'll ever see her again after Thursday night. God, what an awful song choice and an even more hideous arrangement capped off by a pitiful performance. She'll need to do a lot better -- if she gets another chance.  

ODDS ON STAYING: 50:1

Crystal Bowersox

"Hand In My Pocket"

I love her. She's my absolute favorite -- maybe my favorite Idol contestant ever -- but Cowell hit the nail on the head. While Crystal is a great performer, her lack of versatility will be her demise -- it may be several months from now -- but it will do her in eventually. She was clearly the best this week, but can she be the best every week?

ODDS ON STAYING: 2:1

Didi Benami

"The Way I Am"

What a pleasant surprise. Cowell and Jackson are asking for way too much way too early. Were they not paying attention to the disaster that was the first half of this show? By comparison, this was great! Didi chose a song that she could handle and she handled it. Not a home run, but a solid triple.

ODDS ON STAYING: 3:1

Haeley Vaughn

"I Wanna Hold Your Hand"

I have to applaud the choice to use Beatles songs. They're so beautifully "singable," once again revealing the unparalleled genius of Lennon and McCartney. Sloppy performance by Haeley, but it had so much potential! More singing, less screaming would help. I really want to root for this girl but I still need convincing.

ODDS ON STAYING: 10:1

Janell Wheeler

"What About Love"

Thirty seconds into this mess, I felt like rewinding the DVR back to the Old Spice Commercial that preceded it. It was far more entertaining. The judges said it all -- a completely idiotic song choice. On Idol, you simply cannot walk out on stage and try to tackle a signature song of this caliber. You have to earn the right to sing the epic numbers. This was awful. Karaoke awful. 

ODDS ON STAYING: 50:1

Katelyn Epperly

"Oh, Darling"

It took her a while, but once Katelyn got into the song, she did okay. Not bad for a first night. She can hang around another week. But what is up with Judge What'sHerName giving Katelyn the business about her hair and makeup? I thought we got rid of the stupid judge. 

ODDS ON STAYING: 8:1

Katie Stevens

"Feeling Good"

The judges must have heard something I didn't. I actually went back and listened to her performance a second time and I still didn't think it was anywhere near as bad as the judges made it out to be. Yeah, okay, so the song choice was a little mature for her, but had she performed "like a 17-year-old" as the judges suggested, she would have been hammered for being too much of a "pop star." Personally, I want to hear more from this girl. I think she can last a while.

ODDS ON STAYING: 14:1

Lacey Brown

"Landslide"

Landslide indeed. After all these seasons, can't someone figure out how to help these people choose songs? Stevie Nicks? Are you kidding me? On the first night? That was just plain dreadful. That's exactly what gets you sent home. If she gets voted out, she certainly earned it tonight. 

ODDS ON STAYING: 120:1

Lilly Scott

"Fixing A Hole"

Okay, I'm going to get this out of the way. What is with this look? Somebody call in the stylist! This whole gray/white hair thing is really distracting. Regardless, I thought this was an excellent song choice. It fit very well within her range and while her performance was by no means stellar, it was certainly good enough to keep her around another week. A very smart call. 

ODDS ON STAYING: 4:1

Michelle Delamor

"Falling"

Funny how when a pro takes the stage, you recognize it immediately. This young lady will go very deep into this competition. If she can show some versatility and range in the weeks to come, she might become my favorite to win it all. Very, very nice. 

ODDS ON STAYING: Even

Paige Miles

"Alright Now"

Well, that didn't start out well, did it? I knew there was a reason that I had never started my blog until they had significantly thinned the herd. A very foolish song choice and a very flimsy performance. She can do a whole lot better. I'm confident she'll get the opportunity, but this was a real stumble coming out of the gate.

ODDS ON STAYING: 15:1

Siobhan Magnus

"Wicked Game"

I've been looking forward to this performance. This girl appeared to made a real move during Hollywood week -- at least that's how it appeared in the televised edit anyway. She went with a dangerously low key and it made the start a little muddy, but she recovered nicely and really delivered in the chorus and the second verse. The more comfortable she gets with her surroundings the stronger she's going to be in this competition.

ODDS ON STAYING: 8:1

I typically do not usually watch Idol until the final twelve have been chosen and even then, I've always felt half of them really had no business being there. It comes as no surprise that there was a very clear distinction between the "haves" and the "have nots." Looking over the twelve boys we'll be seeing Wednesday night, there's at least 50 percent more mediocrity in store. Ugh.

Is there a winner here? That remains to be seen. But there are for sure two losers, because two girls have to go home on Thursday. I'm betting that it's Lacey and Janell.

The Fine Line Between Crying and Whining

It's a tough week to be critical of the contestants, what with being away from home, the stress of multiple auditions and the likelihood that your Idol dreams will more than likely end up being smothered. Yet, I've found something that I can complain about. Why can't some contestants accept rejection?

Case in point, Jessica Furney. Jessica, a 21-year-old stage actress/singer from Wamego, Kansas -- which as everybody knows, is the epicenter of American Midwestern musical theatre -- got the heave-ho from the judges tonight and just couldn't fathom that she didn't make the cut through to the final 24.

She was insistent that the judges had collectively made a mistake by deciding to send her home. In Jessica's mind, there was no possible way that she was not one of the 24 most talented performers in the competition. In front of a nationwide television audience, young Jessica couldn't have embarrassed herself more if she had forgotten lyrics and sang every note off-pitch, while auditioning in her underwear.

Her tirade started as an irritating whine, eventually moved on to incessant aggravation and then painfully sputtered in a desperate, pathetic plea for reconsideration. (Shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining.) Mercifully, a weary Simon Cowell roundly dismissed her. As she limped to the lobby of the Kodak Theatre, she proceeded to blame everything else that came to mind for her failure -- everything except her insufficient talent.

Obviously, in the world that is Wamego, Kansas, Jessica Furney never fails an audition.

Furney's bio says that she lives with and is the sole caregiver of her 93-year-old grandmother. She is likely a very exemplary human being. She is passionate and no doubt has a desire to achieve greater things in her life -- things that, to this point, have been out of her grasp.

Ellen and Randy tried to explain to Furney that her career wasn't over and encouraged her to keep trying. One of the judges suggested that Furney would look back at this day see it as a positive turning point in her career. I'm thinking that she'll look back in horror at her immaturity. Each of us has experienced regrettable moments like these. Rarely do they get witnessed by millions and then posted on YouTube for posterity.

Jessica, go back to Kansas. Take care of your grandmother and make the most of her remaining time on this earth. Take pride that by getting to Hollywood, you made it farther than thousands of other hopefuls. Keep auditioning and keep singing.

Stop whining.

Odds On Idol: It's Almost That Time Again...

Breaking a long-standing tradition, I've forced myself to watch a sampling of the car crash that is the series of pre-voting episodes of American Idol. Why did I endure the brain-numbing prospect of watching guest judges like Victoria Beckham and Katy Perry attempt to mine tiny gems of brilliance from a colossal mountain of desperate, miserable, self-important hopefuls? Why put myself through it? Why not blow it off to spend time doing something fulfilling and productive? I do it for you -- my readers. Both of you. And, of course I wanted to check out how Ellen is going to carry out her newly assigned judicial duties. 

I don't think we're going to miss Paula. Gone are the days of rousing and extemporaneous standing ovations and spray-tanned raised arms swaying to mediocre renditions of weary ballads and soured rock anthems. No longer will we suffer through the tearfully mawkish appraisals that predictably gushed from Paula's slurring yap. Ironically, in Abdul's absence, Randy might actually be the softy on the panel. "Yo dog, your performance of that joint was, uh, I don't know... kinda... uh, stirring."


Judge What's Her Name, fresh off of a completely unsolicited bikini photo shoot in Maxim Magazine, (seriously, who requested that?) seems determined to prove herself the resident "expert" on the panel as she inconsistently doles out her almost random plaudits and pans. She judges as if she's using a Magic 8-ball. 


Thankfully, we can rely on Simon to leave a slew of slaughtered aspirations in his wake during his alleged final season -- the one before he goes off to dig a new gold mine.

Enter Ellen DeGeneres, who is uniquely qualified for to be an American Idol judge because she has undoubtedly purchased a lot of CDs. We all know Ellen was brought in for one reason. Ellen is the only one that can help us limp through that inevitable episode when there are eight contestants remaining and it's Brooks & Dunn week and we've heard "BootScootin' Boogie" one too many times.


Ellen will be funny -- and she is funny -- and she'll help the whole of America separate the chaff from wheat until we reach the final two, when America will -- right on cue -- pick the wrong contestant to win. One promising note, Ellen has shown that she can be delectably snarky in her criticism. We all know how critical snarky is -- especially when dreams are being crushed in front of millions on primetime network television. Let's hope to God she's not just posing for us and she actually brings a stiletto to the party. 


We get started in earnest next week as we trudge our way through the remaining twelve boys and twelve girls. There are at least a dozen horrifying performances awaiting us and hopefully enough respectable showings to help us justify, at least in our own minds, the hours we spend watching this ridiculous, yet incredibly entertaining circus.